Crime Doesn’t Pay: The Real Cost Of The Love/Hate Lifestyle

Average cost of tooth repair €425

Scar removal prices starting from €300

Anger management therapy (€65) on average 10% cheaper than PTSD counselling (€58)

Private counselling for alcohol treatment cheapest at €48

Alternative treatments for stress (€81)

While simply watching Love/Hate has blood pressures around the country rising, spare a thought for the characters who each week endure an alarming list of physical and mental traumas with each new story line. New research from private healthcare search engine WhatClinic.com lists the ailments brought to our screens by Nidge and the gang, and looks at average prices and treatments available in Ireland.

If Tommy is finally waking up (and we really hope he does) it’s pretty likely he’s going to need months of rehabilitation, physical and psychological. Post-traumatic stress disorder treatment costs an average of €65 a session and Ireland has seen searches up by 125% in the past year. Enquiries for CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) are up 69% and cost an average of €56, while enquiries for psychotherapists have more than doubled (135%).

It seems that everyone involved could do with a course of anger management. This week it was Fran’s turn to lose the plot. He’s going to get in fierce trouble for trashing that cell. He might have avoided prison entirely had he turned to some calming Shiatsu massage or a bit of Reiki instead of drugs and whisky. A chakra massage (average price €81) would perhaps help him to unblock some of those emotional channels, but if things are tight it seems that Reiki might be a bit easier on the pocket, averaging €53 per treatment.

Poor Fran has a lot on his plate so it’s no surprise he hasn’t got around to fixing that tooth! Unfortunately he topped the one man who might have been persuaded to fix his tooth for free.  A dental implant in Dublin will set him back thousands of euros while heading off to Hungary or Prague for a cheaper one (€425) might be a little hard now that he’s in custody.

Nidge is walking a knife edge. While his temper is in check (for now) his stress and paranoia is going through the roof. The last time he lost his temper, Tommy paid the price. Anger management would have given him the skills to count to ten and just put the iron bar down.  At an average of €58 per class, they’d only have to flog one or two gnomes to cover it.

Janet’s already sought STD treatment, and she’s not the only one. Searches for private STD testing in Ireland have risen by 133% in the past 12 months while searches for treatment are up by almost two thirds (73%).  She’s also been complaining about all that time spent on her knees.  She might consider physiotherapy (average cost €50) before she does herself some permanent damage.  Repetitive strain injury (a real concern for someone in her trade) is actually slightly cheaper on average (€48).

Siobhan is spiralling out of control. Last night, she didn’t just get close to the edge, she pushed Pauley right off one. It’s pretty likely that things will get worse before they get better, because let’s face it, on Love/Hate, they always do. Lets just hope she finds someone to talk to before it’s too late. Country wide, there has been a 70% increase in people searching for addiction clinics, so if she does finally decide to get help, at least she’s not alone.

Nidge is under severe stress right now and with three separate hits out on him, it’s not surprising he’s feeling the strain. Worried about his family and trying to lay low – what he needs more than Reiki or anger management is a really good disguise. What better way to blend in than by banishing baldness? A  top Dublin clinic would charge him €19,203, although no doubt he’d try to pay in unmarked bills. With a reported 145% increase in searches for this treatment, perhaps he’s already looked into it!

Emily Ross, director of WhatClinic.com, comments: “Love/Hate is shining a cold, hard light on some very real issues faced by people in Ireland. People from all walks of life suffer from anxiety, stress, anger or addiction. It’s important for people to know that there are many online resources, both free and private, that are there to help, no matter how big or small the issue.”